


Before and After They Noticed

by deviantcon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kinda, Lance (Voltron) Has Self-Esteem Issues, M/M, Other, Sad Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deviantcon/pseuds/deviantcon
Summary: Lance doesn't feel like he brings anything to the team. He doesn't feel good enough and everyone snapping at him doesn't help that.





	Before and After They Noticed

**Author's Note:**

> Listened to 'Adam's Song" by Blink 182 while writing this, it sets the mood if you listen.  
> +This is so shitty and triggering. SOrry. Might make this a series. Don't know yet.  
> Thanks for reading! leave a comment if you want :) - Connor

He couldn't focus. He didn't know why, he just couldn't. He also wasn't hungry, which wasn't so different because he usually wasn't but this time he felt too tired to do it? He didn't have any energy lately it felt like. Lance hates this. He hated feeling so useless. 

During training lance just had to mess up, didn't he? He shot Pidge, but luckily she wasn't hit too bad. Shiro was not happy with what Lance did at all, Lance thought he was going to be kicked off the team or punched. "Lance! you idiot! you nearly shot Pidge, I thought your aim was getting better, I'm so fucking disappointed. Everyone, training's over for now." Just as Lance was about to apologize to Pidge and Shiro he immediately got cut off by Shiro, "Not you Lance, You're staying until you can prove yourself to the team. Say sorry to Pidge when you're done." 'Of course' Lance thought, 'he does need to prove he deserves to be the blue paladin, might as well get a few hours of training in' That's how lance continued, while the rest of the team got free time to clean themselves up he was training his ass off knowing he still wont be good enough. Soon enough it was dinner time, did Lance even notice? No, he was still training against the training bots, doing exactly what Shiro told him to do. He didn't feel like he could prove himself to his team yet, although he knows he never will be good enough to prove himself, so he stayed and ultimately skipped dinner.

"Has anyone seen Lance?" Hunk questioned, thinking about what Shiro said to Lance earlier. "Actually, I haven't seen him since Shiro told him to get some extra training in, he's probably showering or just headed to bed early. I wouldn't worry." Keith has replied without a care about Lance, hell even if Lance was still training it's not like he didn't need it. He needed it most out of the team if Keith was being honest. "Yeah but Shiro was a bit hard on Lance earlier, he made an honest mistake, he didn't mean to almost shoot Pidge." Hunk huffed out muttering something to himself about how they should care more about Lance. "Well Hunk, I'm glad you care about Lance but he does need the extra training honestly, I don;t want him to hold us back or get one of you hurt accidentally on a mission." replied Shiro, because deep down he knew Lance might be holding back so maybe this push could help him. During the rest of dinner nothing really happened, just some slight conversations to break the silence in the room. After dinner Keith normally trains, so as usual he went down to the training room. Surprisingly as he approached he heard someone in there? Had one of the others decided to train as well? Maybe it's just Shiro. Opening the large door to the training deck he noticed Lance, out of all the people he thought it could be he never would have imagined it was Lance. "Lance? Is there where you've been the whole time? You missed dinner, we thought you went to shower or something." Keith said to the focused Lance, "Nah man, I've been here. Training. Also dinner passed? Damn, I thought it was way earlier then that. I'll just head to bed then." Lance easily replied, careful not to let his weary and broken voice show. "Wait, you've been here the whole time?! That's not healthy and you should grab something to eat before you go to bed. Hunk's in the kitchen right now so maybe go there and ask him for something, or just grab some food goo from the dispenser." Replied Keith, slightly worried that his teammate has been here for well over four hours. "ah, yeah I guess I will, don't count on it though I'm kinda tired" Lance laughed as if it was nothing while leaving the room. Keith was left stunned, Is something wrong with Lance? Keith thought to himself. 

Lance decided to skip dinner, he really didn't need it. Plus if he's full how is he supposed to train, He was just waiting for Keith to be done so he could head back to the deck and train some more. However, Lance was fully exhausted and drained of energy. Did he really need these extra training hours? he thought, knowing the answer was absolutely. He just felt bad though? He cant do anything fucking right. Whats the point of being on the team if he can't do shit. He thought a lot, he thought about hurting himself the most though. He knew he couldn't but it f He didn't want to shoot her, he swears, he didn't mean to! elt like something he could rely on he guessed. Thinking too much he just decided to lay down, he couldn't think anymore every thought felt like it was pushing him down more and more. He figured if nothing else helped he could just sleep. He couldn't do it, he couldn't hurt himself even though he wanted to. He spent so long trying to be clean, too many promises made, to just throw it all away. 'If it came to that, lance thought, he could. He would try not to but what happened happens' It was morning When Lance woke. Of course, he was already preparing himself to get told off at breakfast because he didn't wake up fast enough or train enough. Walking into the dinning hall everyone was already in there. 'Maybe it's later then I thought?' Lance thought to himself as everyone just shot him a look that seemed to hold hidden anger. He did shoot Pidge yesterday accidentally, it was something he was expecting. "Finally joining us? thought you finally left or something" Keith said after a few moments of silence. Shiro shot him a look but what Keith said seemed to encourage PIdge. "Honestly Lance, you shoot me then fuck off to your room? What kind of friend are you? I can't believe you." Pidge said, adding a small "Should've shot yourself, not me" Of course, Lance heard her. Of course Lance knew he fucked up. Shiro wouldn't let him see her! what was he meant to do! He didn't mean to hurt her, his gun went off and he wasn't aiming right! what is he meant to say? It just sounds like a lame ass excuse now. A night in the cryopod and she was fine but still, he fucked up. Fuck, he needed a blade more then anything right now. He felt an itch under his skin that just made him want to scream. "It was an accident I swear! Shiro wouldn't let me see you either! I'm sorry PIdge, I've been told off enough by everyone else. I don't feel like hearing it another fucking time. Sorry" Lance snapped. He didn't mean to, things were just too fucking much. He's sure he'll regret it later but it doesn't matter. ' Nothing fucking matters, Lance angrily thought to himself as he stormed out heading to his room and completely ignoring his growling stomach, all I need to fucking make it to me room and just say fuck all. I can't stop myself from doing it anymore, I can't' Nobody bothered to stop him as he left. Nobody knew what he was going to do once he was in his room, and nobody needed to know. Meanwhile in the dining hall nobody knew what to say, they didn't know how to react. Lance had never blown up like that, hell Lance was always so happy nobody expected it to happen. "Did you guys really need to say that to him? He's really struggling-" Hunk was starting to say but soon got cut off by Pidge. "Yes! He deserved it and everyone here knows it." Pidge was angry, angry at Lance for shooting her even if it was on accident. She couldn't die. She was already so close to finding her family! Everyone went silent. Nobody went to check on Lance. Nobody cared enough, they were caught in their own thoughts too long to worry about their friend. Lance wasn't stopping. He was slicing his skin open one cut at a time. He didn't care if he was going to die, he welcomed death with open arms if he was being honest though. Nobody found him until night. He was out of out, loosing so much fucking blood every passing minute. He didn't make the deep cuts until the end, maybe that's why it was taking so long for him to die, Lance thought to himself. It was Pidge who was convinced by her teammates to go check on him, she really didn't want to but she guessed she had to, to make her teammates happy. Pidge knocked, once, twice, then three times. Shouted his name and said she needed to talk to him. She figured he was just ignoring her. Deciding she had enough waiting she opened the door, surprised to find it was unlocked. The second she walked in she saw it. Lance was covered in blood with a blade in one hand and eyes closed with shallow breaths.Pidge screamed. Sccreamed for anyone she hoped could hear her, prayed to any damn god that's ever existed. Shiro was first to hear the screams and run to Lance's room, he noticed the blood and grabbed whatever the hell he could find to put pressure on his arms. Keith was next, the HUnk, then Coran and Allura. They shared a moment of shock until Shiro and coran were running out of the room, Shiro with Lance in his arms. Nobody wanted to say anything, they just ran to the medbay. They were crying by the time they made it to the medbay. Pidge sobbing her heart out as she thought about how fucking awful she was to him just a few hours ago. Keith thought about how awful the words and insults he's ever said to him. Hunk thought he should've done something better, same with Allura. Shiro couldn't think straight. He couldn't believe Lance of all people would do this. It was a day later Lance woke up after nearly dying. The physical wounds were healed, left some heavy scarring but they healed. The mental wounds? not at all. It would take a long time. "Lance I'm so fucking sorry. I promise I didn't mean anything I said, please forgive me!" Pidge shouted through her tears as she hugged Lance. Lance was shocked, he just hugged her back and said it was okay. Hunk joined in on the hug and mumbled things about how he should've noticed, how he was his best friend and he always will be. Allura sat afar at looked down and said how sorry she was, she didn't know if it was okay to hug him or not. Shiro and Coran were next, Shiro nearly crying as he hugged Lance because he saw his best friend on his fucking death bed. He was nearly dead when he got into the pod, he didn't know what to think. Coran was saddened that such a kind teenager would do such a thing. He always listened to when Coran was upset and listened to his stories. Did Lance not think he would listen to him? Keith was last, mumbling an apology. He was crying, which was surprising to Lance. "I'm sorry Lance. I can't loose you too! Please don't do this again, if I lost you I wouldn't know what to do." Keith practically sobbed the words out. Nothing was perfect. He didn't think they ever would be. But for now? This was a start. He can get better, with the help of his friends.


End file.
